he's in it for the money

my daughter and I looked out the window as she was getting ready for bed
we heard the snow plow coming
I was standing on the floor, she was standing on the bed, both of us leaning on the window
he's backing up, ready to clean our side of the street
good use of tax dollars

for me it = more snow in front of my driveway
for my daughter = it's economics

"dad, I think the snow plow driver is only doing this for the money, he doesn't care about my fort, he's ruining it"

my daughter just caught on to what happens when people just do their task not thinking about the people they affect, or worse, only in it for the money

sure, it's not his fault, there's streets to clean

but imagine he slowed down enough to see the small fort in our yard and contribute to the project - that would be tax dollars at work... I'd even tip him.

Relational Rocks in 2011

As we continue our ROCKS for New Year series on the blog, let's focus on RELATIONSHIP.

I guess everyone might have different key relationships they focus on that is healthy. As a Christian mine go like this: Jesus, Family, Friends, Others.
I say that with some hesitation b/c I want to be the kind of person that is available to everybody - b/c I believe I'm put in my world for a reason. However, I've come to realize that I won't be great help to my neighbors or co-workers or even a homeless person on the street unless I truly love God, my family, and my friends well - otherwise I'd be hypocritical.

What ROCKS/priorities will help you with relationships? What must you put down FIRST in your calendar and commitments?

TIME.
I need to set aside time for the important relationships in my life.
Time = Value
Time = Importance
Time = Love and Appreciation

What does time look like? For me (out side of a relationship with God which I mentioned in the previous post)

FAMILY
Open evenings with little planned with my family around.
Meal times together consistently
Vacations set through out the year - even a simple day trip counts
Serving each other when a need arises
Date night (if you're married or engaged)

FRIENDS
Friends night - people over for supper
Saying yes when friends invite you over
Available to help from time to time (within reason)
Activities together

NEIGHBORS
Outside porch with nothing to do but spontaneously talk to a neighbor or invite them to sit with you for a drink
Scheduling a dinner party or BBQ in advance
Available to help them from time to time

To keep these as ROCKS and not let them fill your life up too fast I suggest giving yourself some priorities
- Weekly Family Night
- 2-3 Nights with little planned
- Monthly Friends Night
- Monthly Date Night
- Yearly Vacation
- Periodic Day Trips
- join a small group at church
- commit to participating in your church's next potluck or social activity
- Monthly New Person Night (neighbor, new person at church, some needing company)

Of course that means letting some demands on you wait a few weeks. It means making sure these come 1st not last. It means, like all priorities in your life, saying yes to some means saying no to others.

WHAT OTHER WAYS DO YOU PUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS FIRST? HOW HAVE YOU HAD TO SAY NO TO OTHER REQUESTS AS A RESULT? WHICH RELATIONSHIPS COME FIRST FOR YOU? HOW DO YOU BALANCE THE FAMILY/FRIEND/NEIGHBOR TENSION?

2010 taught me...

This last year was one of growth and challenge for me. This was good, b/c 2009 was a real tough year for me - more challenges, hard learning, less growth (at least on the outside)

Looking back here are some highlights from 2010.

FAMILY TRIP UP THE WEST COAST
What a beautiful drive we had up the coast - seeing Newport, LA, Santa Monica, San Francisco, The Redwoods, Coos Bay, Seattle, and finally landing in beautiful Vancouver, BC - all by car.
I am extremely grateful for this trip b/c I got to see the beauty of the coast, the uniqueness of each city, and the joy of doing it all with my amazing family.
Lesson: there's beauty all over the world

WHISTLER CHURCH PLANTING RETREAT
This was another highlight b/c it was a very encouraging time for both my wife and I - it inspired to move forward in our vision of reaching Montreal with the gospel, and imagine that it was our first trip without our kids in 9 years. This was a blessing provided by a wonderful group of churches we get to partner with in Canada (CCMBC)
Lesson: take time to get refueled with your wife

A VERY GENEROUS YEAR WITH THE WESTSIDE GATHERING
Our church stretched financially in many ways this year. We gave away 20% of our June offerings split b/w a local church plant and aid to the Ukraine; we added funds to our Ukraine portion to reach 5000$ for a rehab project for men coming out of drug addiction. We held a special anniversary offering towards a future growth fund - and 35,000$ was pledged and donated. With all that going on we continued to move forward with our own local ministry and mission budget as well other local compassion efforts. God has been very faithful and shown us we can't out give him.
Lesson: you can't out give God

MY KIDS HAVE ESTABLISHED THEMSELVES IN A FRENCH SCHOOL
In their 2nd year in the french system my kids are really absorbing the french language and moving forward within that context. I'm soooo proud of them.
Lesson: we are able to adapt with some help and encouragement

WE WERE FORCED TO MAKE BUDGET CHANGES
With the growing needs of our family Franca and I hit a hurdle with our financial commitments. The needs went up. This really forced us to some make decisions so we could stick with our priorities: give, save, spend. In the past it seemed seemed like we were hitting those priorities with less effort. But life demanded more = more spending = serious choices. Proved that you must review your budget every 6-12 months, especially with a growing family that needs to eat and grow!! We also had to review our heart so we could stay committed to our financial priorities. Of course this taught us how faithful God is when you keep him first.
Lesson: can't out give God & let your priorities rule your decisions

LEADERSHIP AS A TEAM IS BETTER
For the first time in 7 years I felt Westside has been able to make more decisions as a team. This year we've seen more involvement and team effort. I've seen in it many of our teams, but I've experienced it personally in our leadership team. This fall we made some important steps forward - bringing our core into the process as well - and I felt the decisions rested on broader shoulders than just mine. Very Thankful.
Lesson: Church is a team sport... so is life, it's more fun with others.

MY WIFE AND FAMILY NEED ME
This is not a prideful statement. I realized more this year that if I'm going to live and lead well for the long haul, and if I'm going to keep my family first than I had to prioritize them with more intentionality. This Fall I've attempted to curb my nights out on average to 2 (unless we choose otherwise as a family). I pray I'll be growing more into this in 2011. I'm not there yet, but am making progress!
Lesson: let your priorities guide your calendar & you minister to the people in your home 1st

SOME BOOKS THAT I ENJOYED, BUT ALSO IMPACTED ME
Untamed by Alan & Deborah Hirsh was a great reminder of serious discipleship
When Helping Hurts gave me a better perspective on how to act when trying to alleviate poverty
Fields of Gold by Andy Stanley was a quick and inspiring reminder of how wonderful generosity is, yet how intentional it needs to be.
And by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay was such a refreshing book that gave me better words and meaning for why the church both gathers and scatters - most importantly numbers (large or small) are not the best measurement of success.
Exponential by Dave and Jon Ferguson was a fun read, while giving me new inspiration to see myself and our church multiply into the future.
Finally, JONAH, yes the Bible book, took me by surprise and drew me into it's story and message. I taught it over 4 weeks at Westside in November, but it challenged me regarding God's grace as much or more than anyone who was listening.
Lesson: I am a recipient of grace, God has called me to be a dispenser of it too.

it's not this easy

Got an email from this Christian publisher. They really do a great job at helping churches and families develop kids spiritually.

However, this email came with this line: Building a strong Christian family is easier than ever before...

really... easier... then ever before?

I'm sure their product is helpful, and they mean well, and I might even get it one day (maybe??). But I wonder if this kind of thinking just reminds me that we try and sell people the easiest path to some goal without 1. acknowledging that any path worth pursuing is hard work and 2. nothing of eternal value in our lives (i.e. spiritual growth) is possible without spirit infused gospel transformation.

As a parent and Christ-follower I believe a few things about spiritual growth:
- no one DRIFTS into it - it's always INTENTIONAL
- make sure the SPIRIT is the foundation of your INTENTIONALITY
- you can't do it ALONE - you need a COMMUNITY
- you won't grow without ABSORBING TRUTH (i.e. scripture)
- it takes a while - nothing comes overnight - so it's a PROCESS
- and when it comes to your kids specifically - the best approach is TEAMWORK - where the church and family work together to lead kids towards spiritual growth (some people are calling this ORANGE - the infusion of 2 wonderful colors that create Orange when combined)

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. (1 Timothy 4:8, see 4:6-10)

standing your ground

Love this pic from a young boy who was told by 2 mean boys that they didn't want him to come over to their house.

He made sure they understood what he was thinking about them too.

(HT: Ben Arment)

Summer 2009 Pics

Some random pics from last summer... I was previewing and loved how some turned out.
It's stuff like this that make me want another camera, maybe one day.

My Grateful List (Monday)

This adds to my Grateful List for Christmas 2009

Monday: ANDREW & JULIA - my kids. I could never have bought these kids :) They kind of chose me - coming out of my wife's womb we had no choice. They love me dearly, are waiting to spend time with me at any moment (most moments so far until they hit 13). I get hugs and kisses and wrestling moves from them often. I get to love them and help them and learn from them too. Mostly I get to learn what love means by having the opportunity to love them. My greatest joy is watching them grow - the almost grown up conversations we have. The interesting observations they have of the world, God, people. I could have never purchased them, but I am so grateful for them.

Join the GRATEFUL REVOLUTION this Christmas!!

My Grateful List

As part of a message yesterday at Westside - on being grateful - everyone got this list. It's a really short exercise to be used everyday this week to help us see the wonderful things in our life a little better. Go here to print one out.

MY GRATEFUL LIST (Christmas 2009)

Write 1 item each day for the next 7 days – including Christmas – describing something you have or experience (eg. material, relational, experiential, spiritual, etc) that no one could buy you but brings your life great joy:

Sunday: FRANCA - my wife.
I could not buy Franca. She'd never be bribed either. She loves me unconditionally and always tells me the truth - even when it's hard for me to hear it. There's no gift I could possibly get at Christmas or anytime of year that compares to this. It can't be purchased or even warranted, but I have it and am so grateful.

Monday: ANDREW & JULIA - my kids. I could never have bought these kids :) They kind of chose me - coming out of my wife's womb we had no choice. They love me dearly, are waiting to spend time with me at any moment (most moments so far until they hit 13). I get hugs and kisses and wrestling moves from them often. I get to love them and help them and learn from them too. Mostly I get to learn what love means by having the opportunity to love them. My greatest joy is watching them grow - the almost grown up conversations we have. The interesting observations they have of the world, God, people. I could have never purchased them, but I am so grateful for them.

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday (Christmas):

Saturday:

Sunday (recap):
- read through the list
- read & reflect on James 1:17
- spend some time in prayer
- write down what you learned from your list, the scripture, and your time in prayer
- share your experience with someone

Family Matters (at Westside)

Westside's next Sunday series, starts Sept. 27th, runs until Oct. 18. Hope to see you there.

SOAR - Day 7

Friday was our best day (good to know the best was saved for last).

During our reflection time in the AM, Franca and I went over to the Oratory; we prayerfully walked through, and then sat down during the 10AM Mass. Incredible to see people there searching, praying, reflecting. We mostly prayed for them (and us, and for our city); my favorite time was walking through the "way of cross" prayer garden on top of the Oratory. (check here for more pics) WOW. It was amazing. Each statue represented part of Jesus' walk towards the cross. My love for gardens and Jesus was a good mix!

Our assignment that day was a double.
1. We served with Eglise Methodist de St. Henri in a local park off of Notre Dame (few blocks west of Atwater. We handed out roses to the women, invited people back to a hotdog supper, played games with the kids, and we're mainly open to conversations. They gave us a survey to help start conversation (10 questions, mainly about their feelings towards church and what kind of church would be relevant for them - very Saddleback/Willow 1980's, from what I remember in my reading). I wasn't opposed to the survey, but I felt more comfortable feeling my way through the conversation. I learned alot through them - from one in particular that no matter what a church looked like, she wouldn't go into one b/c there's no interest - more like an obstacle to her spirituality. ALSO, I was so surprised at how many English speaking people walked through the park. I started dreaming about ministry opportunities in the area.



2. We served with Welcome Hall Mission's Club de l'Arche. It's a truck that drives into a local park and does a 90 minute program including games, facepainting, prizes, music, and values through stories/teaching. We had a blast promoting the event - sitting on the back of a trailer hitch with blaring summer music behind announcing to the homes that we were starting at 6:30PM... the whole community was waving to us - it was like a movie.




Welcome Hall Mission really impressed me with this program! They repeat this in 5 communities every week.

This was a long day but a very good one. Our whole team felt really satisfied. I personally enjoyed the personal interactions today, so much better than just a task - but that's me, I'm a people person (most times).

SOAR - Day 6

a quick update on today...

had a really meaningful time in solitude this morning (everyday the families have been given about 1 hour to be in some quiet time as couples or on their own)
... there's an amazing prayer room set up at the college - incredible atmosphere

this afternoon we served with Sun Youth packing tons of bags for recipients
... loved the drive back to the college, Laurier to Cote St Catherine (through Outremont)... WOW, loving our city more everyday

...off to our only restaurant supper of the week at St. Hubert (the kids are happy it's not sandwiches)

see ya

(ADDED at 11:32PM)
St. Hubert was great but CHAOS (11 adults, 15 kids, 1 waitress)

Great time hanging out with some new friends (family quest team parents) over chips and Popsicles)

SOAR - Day 5

(SOAR Family Quest continues)

Meet Bessy. She's the director of le Crac - a community org we served with today. years ago Bessy and her husband lost their jobs. With the responsibility of heir family, she had no other choice but to ask for help. She humbly and almost embarrassed, walked into le Crac and got assistance. Funny thing: she started working their in small ways, then receptionist, and eventually became director. She's been on both sides of the counter. She knows what people feel like when they walk in with a need. She knows the face of someone who feels uncomfortable asking for help b/c they lost their job or are struggling. She feels for the people.

Our assignment: wash donated toys, clear out a storage closet, log inventory for school supplies - all in prep for their back to school resource help for the community. Le Crac serves the community of Petite Patrie (St. Dennis & Belanger). They've been in existence for several years after a the CLSC expressed a need for a resource center in that community.
The kids did an amazing job of cleaning the toys - they worked really hard. Everyone was working for the whole afternoon.
(Julia washing some toys)
(other stuff)
Had a great espresso at Cafe Vittorio - felt like I walked into the 40's - with old Italian men playing Italian cards... mostly speaking Italian. My espresso had lots of cream on the top (that's proof of it's goodness; even Starbucks does get that much cream on the top!)

The families headed out to Mount Royal for supper over looking the city and got some down time.

SOAR - Day 4

(here’s DAY 4 of SOAR)

Our worship gathering this morning was led by a young girl from out east. No name… but a sweet spirit. Great songs that reminded us about justice, compassion, salvation, and of course passionately loving Jesus. I’ve been asking God this week to help me encounter him for the pure joy of his presence. Often even I can get caught of pursuing him for the sake of others, the church, the mission - but I have an innate need to pursue him, for him! Funny, I’m not a worship fanatic (i.e. the hype, or really long extended singing every time the church gathers), but I do believe passionate worship and a deep desire for God’s presence are key to a meaningful relationship with God – and I do believe a week like the one we're on are great opportunities to spend more time developing worshipful/prayerful moments with God.

(today's assignment)
Today’s assignment was simple but proved great for a family. We basically baked 400 cookies and hand crafted 200 cards to bless people with. The recipients will be 1. the students on SOAR who are likely needing a boost ½ through the week, 2. the volunteers in the kitchen, set-up, etc. who are sacrificing their own time for the participants (like us), and 3. a movie crew who’s on site filming a CTV TV movie called Faker.

The crew has caused both problems and opportunity for SOAR. It’s caused us to move around a lot, forfeit our use of some areas of the school, and sometimes adjust the schedule – havoc for the staff/volunteer especially. It’s also been a great opportunity to be a blessing by being gracious about the changes, which has opened doors for conversation about faith with the crew (so I hear). When my daughter gave her card and cookies to one crew member his response was, “SWEET, this is great, thanks so much” (with a big smile).

(back to the assignment task)
We did all this (cookies and cards) at Lakeshore Church in Dorval, hosted by Tammy – their youth pastor. Tammy has a great heart, and I never leave Tammy’s presence without feeling like I’ve been with someone who really loves people. I also rarely leave unaffected – usually b/c I’m convicted about how I need to be more hospitable to others and live more like Jesus in my own culture.


(end of the day)
Our kids ended the day in a combat in the halls… and then in our rooms reviewing the day and reminded about how light doesn’t only shine, but has the power to shine through things. We lit a sparkler and prayed… AMEN.

Until tomorrow.

SOAR - DAY 3

(we’re on DAY 3 of SOAR)

This morning (after breakfast and a worship gathering) our team practiced “foot washing.” We were reminded of Jesus’ teaching on servanthood – when he wrapped a towel over his arm and washed his disciple’s feet. You’re probably thinking this is one scripture we agree with but don’t practice literally. I believe it, but never practiced it… until today. Was a great way to express concretely that as a team we are 1. serving each other, and 2. serving others together.

Each day includes a personal reflection time for each couple (while the kids have they’re own reflection time as a group).

Our ministry assignment today was learning about Street People (i.e. homeless). Duane & Miriam have created PAX (www.paxstreet.com). We got a quick orientation and then maps around the area they serve – including the old Red Light District, the Gay Village, and Viger Park (i.e. St. Cahterine & Ontario St. b/w Papineau & Berri) – for a walk around learning experience. We hit the streets for about 2 hours, looking out for what it would feel like to be left on one of the main corners with no money, no friends, no network, no food – trying to learn who to trust, who to ask for a meal or money, etc. Due to rain we didn’t see as much as normal, but we got a sense of it. Later we met back at Dwayne’s home for a debriefing and further learning about the needs of homelessness. Their mission is not food. Their mission is relationship. They are building relationships with the Street People culture, befriending, loving, supporting, and when doors open, sharing Jesus and discipling.

OUR WALK: we met Bryan and Natalie.
Bryan was sitting in La Belle Province eating his smoke meat. He instantly started talking to us and we soon heard his story. Just coming off months of chemo therapy, dealing with Leukemia, also struggling with chronic fatigue, Bryan, unable to work, volunteers with 3 AIDS Hospices. He also volunteers privately by being a resourceful support to people living with AIDS. He’ll do something like reorganize their kitchen and prepare meals for a week. Bryan taught me a lot about generosity and servanthood. He says he’s not courageous, but I think he is.
Natalie was different. She was drunk. She instantly reached out to our kids and wanted to say hi… reaching for my daughters hand. She was enamored by the kids with us. There wasn’t much we could do for her at the moment – totally not sober – but the experience was an eye opener for my kids.

(our sub group walking the streets)

We later had our bagged supper at a park on the corner of Van Horne & Cote Des Neige, and to our surprise, Welcome Hall Mission had a truck with music, games, and prizes for the local kids. Apparently they do this every night at a different park – a great serving opportunity.

The day was almost over, but then the parents of each family had the chance to slip out to a local pub for some down time as adults (thanks to the 11 & 14 girls on the team who made sure everything went smooth)

That’s it. Tomorrow’s another day…

(a cool pic I found)


(my favorite pic)

SOAR - Day 2

(at SOAR with my family all week)

This morning we joined with a french church in the (close to) plateau area. They serve b/w 2 worlds - the poverty of le Petit Patri area and the more wealth off in the Plateau. Pretty Quebec feeling church - music, culture, speaking, etc.

Hung out for lunch in a near by park on Belanger and St. Dennis, then spent some time checking out Jean Talon Market. I live in Montreal and rarely get to this market, my says she's never been (really sad). I had a great double espresso (single doesn't seem to be enough these days).


As a team building activity we did a rally (a mini-amazing race challenge) in Old Montreal/China Town.

(where we stayed - College Notre-Dame - view from the Oratory)

Back at College Notre Dame (where we're sleeping in a classroom), we had a great worship time with the whole group (200 approx.). This was really cool worshiping with my wife and kids... seeking God for me (not anyone else or my church which I love to do). Most of what I experienced or sensed is for my journal, but I can say I am thankful for a meaningful encounter with God.

Day 2 was a good start to the week.

Tomorrow we start our assignments - mainly 5-6 hours each afternoon serving some part of the city. I believe tomorrow we learn about homelessness, the red light district, and the gay village.

(the whole team praying for the city on top of the St Joseph's Oratory)


My prayer for this week is: God, help me see the city as you see it.

SOAR BEGINS!!

Our family joined a mission team in our own city for the week. SOAR.

Started yesterday, with some obstacles.

We got stuck in the West Island in the down pour of rain, Tecumseh St. got flooded, I drove into it, and forced the plate under my engine to drop - which turned into 2 hours of fixing it before we could head downtown. Crazy.

But, we got here, and settled in, met other families.

This morning we're off to a french church near St. Dennis and Belanger - Metroplitan.
Later we'll have lunch in a local park with the families (we're 4 families in the family program), then we're doing a rally (finding stuff in the city) my metro.

OUR GOAL: to see our city with new eyes so we can see what God is doing... that it would lead us to prayer and mission in a renewed way.

I'll be posting over the week, so come and check it out.

Some days...

SOME DAYS HAVE A PURPOSE YOU CAN ONLY DISCOVER, NOT PLAN

Last night we had plans... but they fell through.

So... it turned into an evening with little to do but nothing - started at supper, turned into a coffee on my deck, moved to helping my little girl ride her bike without training wheels (and she did!!), shifted to my front porch where we were joined by 3 neighbors in conversation for over an hour (interesting topics, free drinks), a spontaneous walk with my son that was both needed and meaningful, interrupted by an invitation for a drink on another back deck, ended with peacefully putting our kids to bed and spending some quiet time with my wife, sleep (an unavoidable necessity)

See, "SOME DAYS HAVE A PURPOSE YOU CAN ONLY DISCOVER, NOT PLAN"

I wonder if your life needs to be purposefully planned or just purposefully expectant so we can take the opportunities that fulfill the purposes in our hearts.

I wonder if we need margin in life to fulfill our purposes (teaching your daughter how to ride her bike, listening to the life stories of neighbors, sharing your heart in return)

I wonder if we don't recognize the purposeful in the unintentional moments.

Musing... feel free to comment.

I'm proud...

...of my son and daughter.

Andrew is such a great kid, but more than that, he's a wonderful person.

Today he turned 8!! Time is flying by.

We're in Orlando (read why here) and brought him to a really cool place I knew he would love.

Cafe Tu Tu Tango

This is an artist's heaven. And that's my son. He loves art. He loves drawing, music, writing, note pads, movies, and anything that is creative.

He also chose to buy Batman Cologne today - his choice for a gift!?!? Plus, since we're in Florida, a day at Disney is also part of his gift. It stops there ($).

I'm proud of my daughter too! She turns 5 tomorrow. Crazy, 1 day apart.

She is a tough, but loving little girl who loves almost everything. She's also a great kid and wonderful person!!

She does a great impression of the Lion from Wizard of Oz (Put em up, Put em up), and Hannah Montana (say wha) - though not sure how since we don't even get that channel.

Her Birthday will be spent at Disney with her favorite people - princesses - and her new love Minnie Mouse.

Well, I love my kids like crazy. These few days are such a huge gift to be able to give them uninterrupted attention from their Dad.

Are you prepared for Marriage?

This recent article in the Globe and Mail is a sad description of marriage.

Seems like most spouses (or ex-spouses) interviewed felt they were in a contract not a covenant.

One man: "I had to be the daddy. I had to bring home money. I had to be the husband and I had to be the best friend. I wasn't ready for that."

One Women: "one of the joys of divorce has been rediscovering myself. It is very freeing to be able to start to reclaim who I was and start to nurture that person."

These statements are revealing. Maybe they really didn't expect any of that going in. Do they sound selfish or contractual? (although we don't have much background into how they arrived at feeling this way).

Marriage isn't easy. Know what you're going into. You shouldn't get married to remain exactly as you are. You don't marry someone if you have no desire to support your spouse (and of course be supported).

Most careers demand compromise, yet we fulfill them to certain degrees. Why not for the one we've committed to love until death.

Marriage is wonderful. Know that what you put in you get out. Know that you will be changed through it. Know that you are given the privilege to love and support someone.

The last line of the article... is more positive than the main body of it.

What do you think?

marriage = oneness

Sunday we started a new series in Matthew 19-20.

We focused on Matthew 19:3-14.

It starts with a question: Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

Here are the few things that I believe are core to Jesus' teaching that follows this loaded question.

1. Stop asking about divorce, starting understanding marriage.

Jesus responds with a vision of marriage that is rooted in creation (Gen. 1-2) and basically says this:
- God created male and female to reflect God's image
- Image bearers reflect God's character, nature, and attitude
- God designed marriage between a man and women to leave their families and unite with each other in a relationship of oneness ("one flesh")
- this makes marriage a covenant - something you give yourself to - not a contract that gives you opportunity to detach when things aren't going your way

Jesus' response is communicating that the Pharisees' question was rooted in the wrong motives. They were looking for Jesus to justify any and every reason for divorce. Jesus would rather talk about marriage than give a list of reasons to divorce.

2. Is divorce allowed?

Jesus doesn't seem to outlaw divorce completely, but he does reduce it's allowance to unfaithfulness in marriage. (there's other verses, but just a few in the NT on this)
Jewish Law allowed for divorce and remarriage. Moses gave permission for it in Deut. 24. Jesus' response implies that if God's intention from the beginning would be lived out, Deut. 24 would not be necessary, or least rarely used.

3. Individualism hurts marriage

Jesus later rebukes the disciples for not allowing children to come to him (v. 13-14). This is an example of how we often neglect other people's needs to fulfill our own. How often have marriages failed or begun to fail b/c one spouse is looking out for their own interests rather than mutually caring for each other.

4. Marriage isn't necessary or obliged for Christians. (Marriage is widely encouraged and supported through the scriptures. It often is used as a metaphor b/w humanity and God - Christ and the church. But this does not mean that it is mandated for every one - although in a later post will I'll share what implications this has for people who remain single)

The disciples think Jesus' words about reducing the permission to divorce to very little reasons is tough. Jesus basically says, you don't need to get married. Some have been born unable to be with a women (eunuchs). Some have been made that way (men in ancient times who were care givers of a harem or women were often castrated to refrain them from indecent behavior with the women, ouch!!). Some choose not to marry so they can serve God fully without any restraints. Basically, if you are called to such a life (single and focused on service), then do it.

This also speaks into the difference b/w Judaism and Christianity. Jews grew God's people/nation by procreation. As Jesus fulfilled Israel's vocation to be light to the nations and Gentiles began following Jesus, God's kingdom continues to grow by conversion not conception.

5. It's all about your heart.

This text is less about all the reasons a couple can or cannot divorce. It's about your heart. If your heart is being changed by your relationship with your creator, than your response to your spouse - in good and bad times - will reflect the character of the image/one you are created in (and by).

How often did God go back to an adulterous Israel? How often did he accept her back? How often does he show grace to us?

6. Unfaithfulness doesn't automatically equal divorce.

Though Jesus says that divorce for the reason of unfaithfulness saves the spouse from adultery (as a result of remarriage), Jesus doesn't say, you have every right to divorce. With a changed heart, in either spouse, there is potential for reconciliation and redemption of the marriage)

CONCLUSION: what's your starting point when you're in a marriage relationship? Do you view your marriage as ONE FLESH? Or do you view your marriage as a contract that you can get out of when things don't go your way? This is what motivated the Pharisee's question and that's why Jesus' response emphasized God's vision of marriage instead of a list of reasons you can get out of marriage.

You can listen to the message by accessing the podcasts at www.thewestsidegathering.com

(I acknowledge this text or post does not reflect everything the Bible says on marriage or divorce or remarriage; more can be said; every situation whether in marriage, divorce or remarriage is unique; but my goal was to hear Jesus' words, not find a system or set of beliefs from different texts in the Bible to try to answer everyone's life situation or question; Jesus' response didn't do that)