marriage = oneness

Sunday we started a new series in Matthew 19-20.

We focused on Matthew 19:3-14.

It starts with a question: Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

Here are the few things that I believe are core to Jesus' teaching that follows this loaded question.

1. Stop asking about divorce, starting understanding marriage.

Jesus responds with a vision of marriage that is rooted in creation (Gen. 1-2) and basically says this:
- God created male and female to reflect God's image
- Image bearers reflect God's character, nature, and attitude
- God designed marriage between a man and women to leave their families and unite with each other in a relationship of oneness ("one flesh")
- this makes marriage a covenant - something you give yourself to - not a contract that gives you opportunity to detach when things aren't going your way

Jesus' response is communicating that the Pharisees' question was rooted in the wrong motives. They were looking for Jesus to justify any and every reason for divorce. Jesus would rather talk about marriage than give a list of reasons to divorce.

2. Is divorce allowed?

Jesus doesn't seem to outlaw divorce completely, but he does reduce it's allowance to unfaithfulness in marriage. (there's other verses, but just a few in the NT on this)
Jewish Law allowed for divorce and remarriage. Moses gave permission for it in Deut. 24. Jesus' response implies that if God's intention from the beginning would be lived out, Deut. 24 would not be necessary, or least rarely used.

3. Individualism hurts marriage

Jesus later rebukes the disciples for not allowing children to come to him (v. 13-14). This is an example of how we often neglect other people's needs to fulfill our own. How often have marriages failed or begun to fail b/c one spouse is looking out for their own interests rather than mutually caring for each other.

4. Marriage isn't necessary or obliged for Christians. (Marriage is widely encouraged and supported through the scriptures. It often is used as a metaphor b/w humanity and God - Christ and the church. But this does not mean that it is mandated for every one - although in a later post will I'll share what implications this has for people who remain single)

The disciples think Jesus' words about reducing the permission to divorce to very little reasons is tough. Jesus basically says, you don't need to get married. Some have been born unable to be with a women (eunuchs). Some have been made that way (men in ancient times who were care givers of a harem or women were often castrated to refrain them from indecent behavior with the women, ouch!!). Some choose not to marry so they can serve God fully without any restraints. Basically, if you are called to such a life (single and focused on service), then do it.

This also speaks into the difference b/w Judaism and Christianity. Jews grew God's people/nation by procreation. As Jesus fulfilled Israel's vocation to be light to the nations and Gentiles began following Jesus, God's kingdom continues to grow by conversion not conception.

5. It's all about your heart.

This text is less about all the reasons a couple can or cannot divorce. It's about your heart. If your heart is being changed by your relationship with your creator, than your response to your spouse - in good and bad times - will reflect the character of the image/one you are created in (and by).

How often did God go back to an adulterous Israel? How often did he accept her back? How often does he show grace to us?

6. Unfaithfulness doesn't automatically equal divorce.

Though Jesus says that divorce for the reason of unfaithfulness saves the spouse from adultery (as a result of remarriage), Jesus doesn't say, you have every right to divorce. With a changed heart, in either spouse, there is potential for reconciliation and redemption of the marriage)

CONCLUSION: what's your starting point when you're in a marriage relationship? Do you view your marriage as ONE FLESH? Or do you view your marriage as a contract that you can get out of when things don't go your way? This is what motivated the Pharisee's question and that's why Jesus' response emphasized God's vision of marriage instead of a list of reasons you can get out of marriage.

You can listen to the message by accessing the podcasts at www.thewestsidegathering.com

(I acknowledge this text or post does not reflect everything the Bible says on marriage or divorce or remarriage; more can be said; every situation whether in marriage, divorce or remarriage is unique; but my goal was to hear Jesus' words, not find a system or set of beliefs from different texts in the Bible to try to answer everyone's life situation or question; Jesus' response didn't do that)